Cale's "episodes" were relentless now. We had been in the hospital for what seemed like an eternity while we waited for results. Finally, the neurologist, Dr. Chien, came to see us. He looked very serious when he showed us the CAT scan. I am not a regular subscriber to CAT scans and such so I'm not sure that I would have interpretted them the same way without his help. Dr. Chien said that it appeared that Cale had suffered a massive stroke at some point in his short existence that had shut off the blood flow to one side of his brain. The CAT scan revealed that the right side of the brain was shriveled ( like a shrunken bean) and apparently there was no activity coming from that side, nor would there ever be. I believe he went on to tell us that there was a chance that the "good" half of his brain could take over some of the functions that had been lost but truthfully, I didn't hear it at the time. All I knew was that he was telling me that my boy would not grow up normally; he'd not be like everyone else. I had no way of knowing then that very point would be one of the richest blessings I'd ever be given.

I remember looking over at the sweet boy in the bed who looked up at me and smiled and being sure that somehow I had caused this terrible thing to fall upon him. I reasoned that I was his mother, I had either neglected to do something, or had in fact, done something to cause it. I had to look away from him because I just couldn't face his trusting eyes - eyes that believed I could do anything for him. I couldn't even begin to contemplate what his life would be. The doctors tried to give us information but I know that they sensed our desperation and so chose to keep some terminology from us in order to help us take one thing at a time. They never said the words "Cerebral Palsy". It would be two years later before I came to understand that this was the name of Cale's overriding problem. That was most likely a good thing since I was drowning with the information I had at the time.

Cale was scheduled to have a spinal tap the next day to see if the stroke was recent or a very early insult to the brain. Seizure medicine was ordered. Physical Therapy would be stepped up. A "Let's wait and see" attitude was prescribed by the doctors. All the while, a little boy looked at his bewildered parents and smiled at them, letting them know that in his heart, all was well. As it would always be.